Stay Thirsty! Stay Famished!- Lifecycle of a Bottle
Stay Thirsty! Stay Famished!- Lifecycle
of a Bottle
I
am not going to cover any new topic in this post but continue with the old one
in an elaborate manner as I was not able to fit the below in the previous posts
properly... Machiavellianism
ahead!
Sometimes
I wonder how to explain human culture and its various sex dimensions (minus
reproduction part) to a person who just suddenly appears amongst us and who has
no empathy or who has no selfish gene or is one of Giorgio A. Tsoukalos’
“definitely ALIENS” or whatever… but here we go…
Initially
all kids are born without bottles and there is no thirst only happiness and curiosity. As they grow up, girls and
boys develop the concept of water as the thirst is first identified and slowly
increases. Touch and Sight seems to be the general trigger for thirst. Soon the
elders group around and assign a fancy bottle with their own labels and
production process from their HOLY factory to each girl and guy with a rule DO
NOT LOSE THE BOTTLE! From here the fun starts…
a.
Guys
see the bottles as a burden and they wish to lose it at their first
opportunity.
b.
Girls
see the bottles as an “asset”. (You see the conflict starts right at the
beginning :P)
c.
Bottles
are NOT supposed to touch each other. Guys and girls are not supposed to talk
about water or bottle with each other.
d.
Guys
are not to go near elder girls’ bottles specifically.
e.
You
are not to put all the bottles in a bag and ask whoever is thirsty to drink
from any of the bottles. That is a gravely strict NO! The law of scarcity
prevails!
f.
Guys
keep tossing their bottles just to forego the responsibility of guarding it and
their favorite place is to throw it into the girls’ camp. And they hope to
drink water from any or all of the girls’ bottles.
g.
Girls
keep throwing away other bottles as far as away from their bottle not even
other girls’ bottles are allowed near. However they never lose their sight on
their bottle even for a second.
h.
Guys
who were playful, stupid and considerate beings suddenly become rebellious, insensitive,
highly obsessed, damn-you-bottle humans.
i.
Girls
who were very carefree and fun creatures suddenly become over-sentimental,
over-cautious, manipulative, possessive-about-bottle humans.
j.
When
a guy / girl manage to lose their bottles and start drinking water for a legit
thirst from wherever water is available they are outcast with weird terms and
signboards around their neck “man with loose bottle cap on the loose” or “woman
with the bitcher-er awaits you…”
However mostly this is what happens…
k.
As
time goes on both guys and girls start getting too obsessed about the bottle
theory and they become so emotionally dependent on their bottles that you need
not hit them left and right with a bat to hurt them. Instead you may merely
gesture that you would like to hit their parents’ bottles for a six with your
bat. That’s all it is required for a riot!
l. Weirdly guys celebrate
when they lose their bottles; many girls chose to cry when they lose it even
for a minute. They wouldn’t even take it back if someone explains, “Hey! Look
here is your bottle nothing happened! Stop crying!” All it takes is a bottle to
limit her powers and talent. Thirsty, No
happiness and No curiosity.
So
when these two different species want to live together then what happens…? Love
happens.
m.
In
Pre requirement stage, people flaunt their bottles for comparison. There may
even be wars on who has how many bottles or whose bottle is big or whose bottle
resembles a factory prescribed shape.
n.
When
people fall in love, they write love songs about others and a hell a lot of
rulebooks about their bottles. Most of the time, the pure love which started
their journey is destroyed by the disputes over the water bottles. When, How
and who should touch which bottle becomes an unsolved equation for both these
different species and they chose to hate each other.
o.
Both
are not to carry any other bottle/drink water from any other source.
p.
Some
even decide not to open their bottles until they are married, no matter how
thirsty they are.
q. Some just drink water,
quench their thirst and try to drink it many times and if they realize that
they do not like the others’ water anymore, move along with / without their
bottle to the next person. Less thirst, Happiness, No curiosity.
After
love, its marriage – no more straightforward talking is possible for both the
species.
r.
In
Pre requirement stage, people flaunt their unopened bottles to show how crystal
clear and pure the water is. Very less value is given to the purity and nobility of
their thoughts. Everything depends on a stupid bottle again.
s.
They
keep searching for the right person with the right bottle to match because at
this point the main pre-requisite for marriage is “Are you worth your bottle
and your fiancé’s bottle waters combined?” and the other pre-requisite is money
(now making an alien understand about this self-made blood sucking devil would
run a hundred blog posts)
After
finding the much hyped ONE
t.
Marriage
ceremony by itself is a great anticlimax in which after all the fuss about forbidding
people to drink water, lose their bottles and forcing everyone to be thirsty at
the risk of death from dehydration, they perform simple meaningless gestures or
tasks and suddenly ask you to go drink water, enjoy! If you always thought
marriage would have been some highly scientific, meaningful, sophisticated,
hardest, toughest thing to do and hence I was forced to be thirsty all my
adolescent age, it is just an elder society’s way of playing an elaborate prank
and telling “April Fool”. No rocket science there, just turn your bottle cap 3
times anticlockwise or put a ring on the bottle neck or change your bottle cap
to a different colour or couple of signs on a paper, etc. But after this, they do not even tell you how to drink
your water! At least they leave that to the couples’ instincts! Thank my
Rowling!
u.
However
one of them (mostly the husband) whose thirst is now equivalent to that of
drinking a waterfall is shown an old water bottle! To insult him completely,
she tells him not only to use two bottles to quench his thirst but also invites
him for a bath together in those bottles of water.
v.
After
marriages both bottles are taken and locked up safely and the key remains with the wife who doesn’t know that locking up his bottle doesn’t solve his thirst while
her life completely starts revolving around those two bottles.
w.
Drinking
water / new water container creation process should happen in a specific water
storage unit. Especially there is a big NO NO if you are even remotely thinking
about it in your HOLY factory. Imagine that, you are not to even think about
creating new water containers in the very place where they came up with the
fancy bottles your parents gave you and the HOLY factory CEOs where supposed to
be the leading creators of this world. Forget about creating your container
there! If the CEOs create, it is HOLY, but not for us. Fascism!
x.
Within
/ After few years they produce few little cups to hold water. They seek advice
from their older leaking bottles about how to handle the water. These old
bottles start a huge self-praising lecture about water being so sacred and how
they poured and shared with each other when they were young bottles themselves.
After listening to this, couples start filling up their little cups with their
water theory while they spill a whole lot of water as the cup grows into a jug
or some other water container. They believe their thirst reduces once they pour
water into these cups but the guy has lost his valuable water molecules which
could naturally make him thirstier!
y.
Soon
you will see pictures of imperfect tiny cups in albums / social websites and
others keep commenting, “Oh such a factory made 3d printed velvet touch
unbreakable tiny cup!”
z.
Then
mostly the husband bottle has tolerance issues. He finds it extremely
frustrating when he has to perform a certain ritual every single time in order
to persuade the wife bottle to have a drink together. Soon he will get to
master his thirst or break his bottle and go searching for better bottles! Many
times women bottles contribute to the problems of fellow women so easily.
aa.
Meanwhile,
they put their little cups into the same cycle again. Guys being the selfish
brutes themselves end up teaching their new little cups about how to stay
thirsty because he is still thirsty and he definitely doesn’t want his kids to
quench their thirst too! :D
bb.
If
your daughter shares her water with a guy you don’t like, you beat him up and
kill and bury your daughter and their bottles separately. Extremely thirsty / No thirst, No happiness, Lots of curiosity
While
you are wondering why the fuss about a bottle
cc.
Again,
you will have the conservativ-tionists say - Only beasts should drink from the
stream, lakes or rivers and swim in it. We humans are technologically and
culturally advanced – as a proof of that we have over 7 billion sophisticated
bottles- each bottle special and unique in its own way. And we should not think
about the abundant FREE water bodies but live an esteemed life of drinking from
an old stinking bottle.
dd.
People
will also be invited to specific classes with expensive yearly subscriptions- To use your contextual and imaginative mind
powers to replace the original water bodies with the all-important YOUR BOTTLE.
ee.
So
while they listen and follow these conservativ-tionists and define their whole
life by chasing a bottle and stay away from nature’s water bodies – you will
discover the conservativ-tionists go scuba diving in the deepest oceans!
ff.
At
the end, when they die and think they are free at last, few heartless brainless
walking tumors will bury their bottle next to them for their future lives!
Ensuring that even in their next life they will get the same recycled water
bottle so that even in the next lifetime they can - Stay Thirsty! Stay
famished!
At the end, the alien may ask, “Why don’t you folks throw the bottle away?” You look at him bewildered because that was a WHY question. You give the alien another chance, “Any other question?”
Alien might ask, “Where is this bottle you have been talking about? I don’t see it anywhere!”
Cool! Delivering the final punch, with a smile, “There is no water bottle. It is an inherited disease by the masses similar to visual Paranoid schizophrenia! The Bottle was never there. Humans seem to see it from their young age as their parents kept pounding it into their heads! We simply made it up!”
To be continued…
Meanwhile, for all girls who helped me write this up by contributing since my childhood, thanks and I have to say in gratitude I had a bottle for each of you in my bag just in case you lost yours. But you never asked: P
Facebook - Mopper's Mindtricks
Bye.
Mopper.
M O P P E R'S
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D R U T H I N R O
posted by mopper | 9:00 AM
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